Rambling.

In many ways, I miss my job. I enjoy offering myself to my patients to hear stories of joy, pain, hopes, and discouragement. Holding emesis basins, assisting patients as they delicately walk for the first time in days, giving medicines to alleviate pain, these are the things in my career that give me satisfaction.

Being on maternity leave feels very isolating. I had lofty ideas of projects to accomplish, and dreamt of having unlimited time to spend with friends. Infants demand more time and attention that I anticipated. Running simple errands become a major chore with her stroller, public diaper changes, and emotional meltdowns as feeding time approaches. My time with friends gets thrown to community events - which tend to be overwhelming compared to our typical quiet days at home.

On the upside, I am incredibly blessed to get 12 weeks off with this little joy. She is a wonderful baby, sleeping (most) nights and growing and developing just as expected. She smiles the most encompassing grin - even scrunching her nose - while her devoted parents dote over her. She recognizes our voices and is excited by our presence. She is a wonderful gift for which I am eternally grateful.

This time off from work is instrumental to reset my focus. Shifting my attention from work to family has been difficult for me - albeit important. It seems I sense a greater value to my life when I am able to care for the sick and dying. Being a wife and mother is taking precedence, as it should.

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