Is shallow faith good enough?

God, help me know how to encourage Drew. We are both struggling with faith - to know and trust Your goodness. The difference is, I cling to you - mostly out of stubborn loyalty - when he is ready to let go. We need you more than ever. I had hoped with Becca's birth that we would see your goodness and our faith would be restored instantly. It simply isn't that easy. Our hope is broken, our ability to trust marred. This is not to say You are not trustworthy. You are God.

It's just that You expect me to trust an infallible God in a fallible world. How can I understand perfection when all I have known on this earth is imperfect? I know what to say and can argue with myself. I know I'm measuring God by this world instead of holding my experiences up to God and letting Him be my definition and explanation. Instead of letting His healing overwhelm my pain, I expect my hurt to disprove His existence. I know, I am ridiculous.

But my argument is empty, my faith shallow, and my hope shaky. I hear of others' pain and say "See, God? I knew it! I knew You would fail us." Then I read the person's blog and find a faith so great that even through tremendous pain, God is her joy and comfort. That is what I want for us. I yearn for this depth of love. I want to trust Your goodness.

God, I believe. Help my unbelief.

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