Goodness.

It is discomforting to read of Habakkuk's faith. He stood, patiently waiting, as he says his legs are weak beneath him. He waited, watching for God. God did not come during Habakkuk's lifetime! Habakkuk did not see the redemption of Israel. Still, he chose to believe in God.

How? I don't understand how Habakkuk could cultivate such a pure heart of faith. I have lost two babies, and now - even seeing God's grace with a successful pregnancy - resent His goodness. God, change my heart. Help me to understand and grasp that none of our children are mine. They all belong to you, and if you choose to take them from this earth to be with you, you have that right.

I want my children to know You, God. I want them to believe in You for their salvation. This means that eventually, You will take them home. This is good. If You choose to take them home before I'm ready, still they are with You. This is good. God, help me to wrap my heart around the fact that my babies belong to You, not me. Help me to let them go and allow my heart to heal. God, help.

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