Brokenness

Lent is still going on. I'm not fasting from food as I am pregnant and that would not be safe. I am abstaining from alcohol (of course) and Facebook games, my obsession. It has not been difficult to restrain from playing on the internet, but taking the time and focusing on my Jesus in prayer and in scripture has proved to be a "bother." I feel like prayer should be easier than it is. The pursuit of God is necessary for life, yet it is one of the most difficult things for me.

Genesis 3:17-24. "What are the primary causes of brokenness in humanity and creation?"
Original sin. Separation from God. The "fall." Basically, man is not perfect. We toil for our livelihood and still fail. Why? Because Adam listened to his wife over God, and Eve listened to a snake over God. We struggle because we listen to external sources over the One who speaks Truth. Thus, lies inhibit our mind from recognizing the voice of truth and life and leaning on Him alone.

"How do you see this playing out in your life?"
I rely on the created and fallen to uplift my heart only to find that I need God all the more. I turn to media, family, friends, my husband, my work, etc to find value and purpose. They all will fail. My toils are in vain apart from Christ.
I've seen this in trying to have a baby. I can do my part and work towards being a parent; but until God grants us a child, I am no mother. My heart breaks. Now what? I am pregnant again, but still wondering all the while: Is God going to allow this child to live, breathe, and know life? Will I be allowed to raise this one to maturity? There I go again, believing that even if I have a baby it will be mine. No thing is mine on this earth. All things belong to God. Everything lives and breathes in Him. Including me. To Him be all glory and honor.

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